Why I won't shout out to my ex

Viki Taylor, 4th Jan 2018
Tags: Life Blog Forgiveness Relationships Revenge

I remember being so excited when Little Mix released their song 'Shout Out To My Ex'. My housemate and I listened to the song on repeat whilst singing the words at the top of our lungs - this is what nights in at uni are for, right?

The song kept playing around in my head and I began to feel something unexpected. I was feeling anger towards my ex.

As midnight hit and I decided to retreat to my bedroom, the song kept playing around in my head, and I began to feel something unexpected. I was feeling anger towards my ex. 

That may not seem particularly groundbreaking, and perhaps it’s even expected, but for me, it was unusual. You see, I had not even thought about my ex in a couple of years, let alone felt anger towards him. As far as I was concerned, I had forgiven him, let things go, and moved on with my life. But suddenly, singing the words “you’ll never bring me down,” I began to doubt myself, and feelings of anger started to bubble up.

The very words I was singing counteracted the emotions I was feeling. The desire for ‘girl power’ was overruled by the pressing need to rise above my ex and somehow show him that I was so over him. Thoughts amounted to, "In order to have forgiven him, you need to show him that you’re better than him." That doesn’t make sense, does it?

We are taught that in order to move on with our lives, we must think badly about somebody else’s.

But the simple fact is, we are constantly surrounded by messages of revenge. We are taught that in order to move on with our lives, we must think badly about somebody else’s. We are told we must point fingers and state, “Look what you made me do” and give half-hearted apologies of “Sorry, not sorry.” The culture we live in and the messages we are surrounded by may be out of our control, but our response to them isn't.

Taylor Swift is my soundtrack to many car journeys, Demi was a role model for me in my teens, and Little Mix represents the empowerment of women. I have always been and will continue to be a fan, cheering them on and supporting them as artists. But the message of unforgiveness so present in the music industry is not one I will choose to follow.

Why? Because forgiveness sets people free. It doesn’t point fingers, nor does it ask for the upper hand. It doesn’t justify poor behaviour, but simply recognises conflict, restores relationships and releases people. 

Since becoming a Christian three years ago, I have learned how to forgive people, even when they don’t deserve it, and through that, have known God’s peace and joy in all circumstances. It’s simple, I forgive because Jesus forgave me. That’s the best freedom I know, and my biggest desire is to share that forgiveness, grace, and freedom with those around me. 

I choose forgiveness, and through that, I choose freedom.

I still listen to Little Mix, Taylor and Demi. I still think they’re incredible women. I still belt their new releases in long car journeys. But in that, I guard my heart. I protect my thoughts. I choose forgiveness, and through that, I choose freedom. 

What are you choosing?