When dads and boyfriends let you down

Viki Taylor, 8th Dec 2017
Tags: Life Blog Absent parents Father God Jesus Relationships

As human beings we have an innate desire for intimacy, and we long for our needs to be met. 

If you thought about it, it wouldn't be hard to find examples of people responding with upset and confusion when their expectations are not fulfilled.

Naturally, our needs need to be met. This is no surprise, but a lesson that I have learned, and learned the hard way, is that sometimes people will fail to meet our expectations, as justified as they may be.

Allow me to share a scenario with you. A father commits to seeing his daughter every weekend. The daughter is excited and imagines the fun they will have together. She expects to be collected from her home at the time he has promised, but the time comes and he never shows. Despite his apologies and promises, the daughter's expectations are not met.

A father she trusted and leaned on let her down time and time again.

A father she trusted and leaned on let her down time and time again. Her anger is justified and perhaps he doesn't deserve her forgiveness, yet the anger she holds onto proves to have little positive outcome, but only makes her more upset.

Some would say a father should be a girl's rock, the man she can count on in all circumstances, but the harsh reality is that this is often far from the truth. I know because I have experienced this first hand, and as justified as the anger and unforgiveness may be, unmet expectations are often inevitable because as human beings, we are imperfect.

In the past three years of dating my boyfriend, there have been countless times where we have held unrealistic expectations of our abilities to love each other well.

Too often I have seen the phrase 'he's my rock' posted in the caption of a cute couple-y Instagram photo. I can relate, and I confess that there have been too many times I have slipped into this mentality in my own relationship. 

In the past three years of dating my boyfriend, there have been countless times where we have held unrealistic expectations of our abilities to love each other well.

On days where I have felt worthless, I have run to him first for affirmation of my worth. He responds with such grace and love for me, but despite this, the feelings of worthlessness will return. Why? Because as incredible as he is, he cannot meet all of my needs, and it is unfair for me to expect him to.

So if the ones closest to us can't meet our needs, who can?

What if earthly desires were never meant to satisfy all of our desires, but were meant to arouse us to suggest the real thing?

A wise person once asked me, what if earthly desires were never meant to satisfy all of our desires, but were meant to arouse us to suggest the real thing? In other words, what if our need for intimacy highlights a much bigger longing for acceptance from something bigger than the people around us?

My earthly father continuously let me down. It was not unreasonable to expect love from him, yet when I search my heart, I now find a longing that is continuously met by a Heavenly Father.

Perhaps your expectations are just, or perhaps they are not, but when we look to Jesus as our rock and place our expectations in him, we won't be let down. 

God, an unreachable Father, was made reachable the day he decided to come down to earth to be with us. He didn't let us down or choose something else over us, but instead he saw us hurting and decided to be with us.

With Jesus, we won't be left in a cycle of worthlessness and we won't be left waiting at the window for our father to arrive.

With Jesus, we won't be left in a cycle of worthlessness and we won't be left waiting at the window for our father to arrive. Allow Jesus to fulfil all of your expectations and be your rock today, and I guarantee you will not be disappointed.