Recovering from being a disappointment
Beckie Littler,
6th Dec 2017
Tags:
Life
Blog
Death
Jesus
Parents
Redemption
Teenage pregnancy
I love the song 'I Am The One And Only'. I always without fail, blast it out at the top of my lungs.
The sense of pride that comes when you sing along is amazing, but if I am honest there are times when I am not proud of myself and I feel like the only thing I am good at, is disappointing the people closest to me.
There have been some big events that stand out for me as times that have caused major disappointment to those I love the most.
I let my parents down when they found out I smoked at 17. I definitely let them down when I told them I was pregnant at 19.
I let my parents down when they found out I smoked at 17. I definitely let them down when I told them I was pregnant at 19.
Through all of that I still had someone who I could never disappoint, because he only sees my potential.
He saw the 17 year old who would grow up to be sober of any drink or drugs. He saw the girl of 19 who would grow up to run the crèche at my local church and at 20 give birth to beautiful twin boys.
Now I am not saying that everything magically turned out ok in the end, because it didn't.
The relationship between my parents and I has taken a long time to rebuild, but with someone amazing supporting me I got through all that.
The relationship that I had with my son's father broke down before they were even a month old. The relationship between my parents and I has taken a long time to rebuild, but with someone amazing supporting me I got through all that.
That same person helped me when my oldest son passed away at three months old. He said what I needed to hear even when it wasn't what I wanted to hear. He gave me someone to talk to in the middle of the night when I couldn't stop crying and wondered where everything had gone so wrong.
I am not saying that because of this person everything was easy to fix, because it wasn't. I had to sit down with my parents and have some honest and painful conversations. It was those conversations that brought healing to our relationship.
We still to this day have our issues and we have our fights, but we know how to work through them: with honesty, forgiveness and love.
The pain of disappointment is hard to overcome, but the redemption that comes after, comes from that one person who had my back through the good, the bad and the really ugly.
The pain of disappointment is hard to overcome, but the redemption that comes after, comes from that one person who had my back through the good, the bad and the really ugly. That redemption is worth every painful and awkward conversation with my parents and I am glad that person is still a huge part of my life today.
Through all the trials in my life this person has stayed faithful to me and has always had my back and held my hand through the storms and for that I am eternally grateful.
That person is Jesus and whether you believe in him or not, I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here without his love and compassion.
So now I can sing with pride that I am the one and only...me!
