How to cope when that boy hasn't asked you out yet

Viki Taylor, 16th Jun 2017
Tags: Life Blog Relationships

Dear every girl who is currently frustrated at a boy because they don't know how to pursue a girl properly and you wish they'd just hurry up and ask you out already.

Let me start by telling you that I have been there. Too many times. When there's a guy and he seems perfect. You get along so well and have so much fun together. You think that maybe, possibly, he might like you, but you don't want to seem too forward. You wish he'd just do something about these obvious feelings that there are between you both. Sound familiar?

You are not the only girl that feels like this. It took my current boyfriend Brett a year to pluck up the courage to ask me to be his girlfriend. A year. A year of texts and kind-of dates and slightly longer than usual looks across a classroom, for him to decide that he was in fact brave enough to ask me out. 

It was the most exciting yet frustrating year of my life so far, but despite the confusion and somewhat lack of pursuit, I wouldn't have it any other way.

A lot of my dating knowledge was built by movies.

A lot of my dating knowledge was built by movies. In movies, the guys just know. They see a girl, and they're sure from day one that they want to be with her and they want it now. 

As I walked out of the school gates, I was constantly reminded that another day had passed where he had not asked me out on a 'proper date'. (Public service announcement, "wanna hang out tonight?" is not a date girls.)

Eventually he did ask me out on a real date, and yes, it was fantastic and the start of many more. And I can safely say he was so worth the wait.

Despite what some would say, boys are not stupid, and girls are not better than boys. You see, when I tell you the story of how I had to wait a year, you may see a teenage boy who did not know what he was doing, just as I did. But God saw him very differently. He saw both sides when I was blinded by frustration. He had purpose when I only had an expectation of a boy constructed by movie scenes.

He was teaching me that I am more than enough, with or without a boyfriend.

During the time of waiting, God was working miracles in me. He was healing the rejection that I had felt from guys walking out on me. He was teaching me that I am more than enough, with or without a boyfriend, and redefining what it meant to be in a relationship. 

The year shaped me into being the best version of myself; the best daughter of the King and the best one-day girlfriend that I could be. 

Perhaps Brett's lack of pursuit wasn't intentional, or perhaps it was, but regardless, God used that time to show me the person he wanted me to be outside of a relationship, so that I could be the person he wanted me to be when I was in one.

I was so focused on his lack of pursuit that I didn't see the pursuit of a Heavenly Father, reaching out to and shaping His daughter.

I was so focused on his lack of pursuit that I didn't see the pursuit of a Heavenly Father, reaching out to and shaping his daughter. 

Looking back, I am thankful for the space that Brett gave me to seek God as a 17-year-old new Christian, but I also realise that the waiting was not about him, nor was it about me. It was simply allowing space for God's will to be done in us as individuals, whether we were to be together or not.

Allowing God's reign over all areas of your life, including guy drama, brings peace beyond understanding. It helps to bring contentment despite not knowing the answers, the future, or what's going on inside a guy's head when he gives you that prolonged glance across the classroom.

A godly guy will pursue you in the right timing, but your God will pursue you always.

A godly guy will pursue you in the right timing, but your God will pursue you always. So bring God your frustration. Ask for peace, clarity and wisdom, trusting that he is shaping you for his purpose. 

We aren't promised movie inspired dates or boyfriends that are 'relationship goals', but we are promised a relentless, unstoppable and unconditional love from a Father who never stops his pursuit.