Finding my identity

Tamar Willoughby, 3rd Mar 2018
Tags: Life Blog Dreams Eating disorder Father God

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wondered what it is that makes me who I am. 

Throughout my life there have been different things that have caught my interest, different passions, different projects and goals. But honestly, none of them have ever really felt like they defined me. In fact, none of them ever really felt like they ‘fit’ me completely, or made me feel like that was who I was supposed to be.

Image Credit: Giphy

I love being creative, making films and taking photographs, and I love to write, (I publish my work on my website). But if someone asked me who I was, I wouldn’t tell them that I’m a film maker, writer, or an artist, because honestly, even though I enjoy doing those things, I don’t feel as though that is my identity.

The whole question of who we are can be such a difficult one.

The whole question of who we are can be such a difficult one. It’s like when you have to write a short bio for some reason (like for Instagram – I’m so indecisive when it comes to my Instagram bio!) How do we describe ourselves in 150 characters or less?

This question has been a significant one for me personally growing up. 

When I was 13, I developed Anorexia Nervosa, and over the years I took this on as my identity. 

When I was 19 and finally came out of treatment, for the first time in a long time, I felt ‘free’ from this identity as a sick person. But I was left even more confused than before about who I was, and who God wanted me to be.

Identity is such a huge topic, especially for young people and especially in our social media driven society, regardless of whether you’ve been through something as identity stealing as a mental illness or not. 

We’re all pretty much in the same boat here, and it’s far too easy to slip into the habits of defining ourselves based upon how many likes our selfie gets, or how well we do our makeup, or the amount of guys or girls who are interested in us.

It’s far too easy to define ourselves on what we think people expect us to be.

It’s also far too easy to define ourselves on what we think people expect us to be – whether that’s the smart one, fashionable one, funny one, happy one, the one with great skin, or lots of friends, or a happy family. The list could go on and on.

I have never felt more secure in who I am, never more sure in the knowledge that I’m accepted and important and valued, than I did when I realised that my identity is found in God.

What I’ve found though, is that I have never felt more secure in who I am, never more sure in the knowledge that I’m accepted and important and valued, than I did when I realised that my identity is found in God. 

God is always on my side, and always rooting for me. I realised that God gave me my passions and that the things that make me come alive, that make me excited and motivated and happy, those things are from God, and God wants to water them and watch them grow within and through me.

My identity is ‘a child of God’. 

I could pursue my dreams, I could decide that I don’t care what society thinks of me and run wildly at my heart’s desires, and I’d probably find some happiness from that. But there’s a whole other level to this that we only get when we accept our position as children of God. 

When you pursue your dreams with God, and decide that society doesn’t give you your identity, and instead you run wildly at your heart’s desires with God, there you will find fulfilment and security in the knowledge that you are exactly the way you were intended to be. 

God wants us all to be happy, He wants us to chase our dreams and realise our heart’s desires. All that He asks is that we take Him along for the ride.

• “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
• “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7
• “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” Jeremiah 1:5
• “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11