Discovering your passion and pursuing your dreams

Jess Barlow, 9th Sep 2017
Tags: Life Blog Dreams Eating disorder Education Mental health Purpose

New schools. New people. GCSE's. Personal statements. College applications. This is a season of change for many, whether it be starting secondary school university, or choosing options.

For some, September is the month of fear and dread. It's the month of extreme anxiety as steps are taken into the unknown.

As a 21 year old who lost her way during teenage life, getting caught up in a whirlwind of darkness in which I could find no way out, my heart is to tell you that you are not alone!

I want to share with you my one piece of advice for getting through this next season of your life... You have to find your what, and the why to your what.

"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world." Joel A. Barker

I went into secondary school thinking my purpose in life was to be alone, laughed at and humiliated on a daily basis.

As an 11 year old, who had been a victim of quite severe bullying for three years, I went into secondary school thinking my purpose in life was to be alone, laughed at and humiliated on a daily basis. I had no vision for my future, no dreams, no friends and no social life. So it felt like an absolute blessing when my parents won me a place at a new school, away from the bullies who had spent years tormenting me.

However, because I had no vision, no what, or why to my what, I wasted the rest of my school days being angry at the world and pushing away anyone who attempted to break down my walls. I also punished and inflicted pain on myself at any given opportunity.

It was only in the last few months of secondary school that I began to dream and plan for my future.

It was only in the last few months of secondary school that I began to dream and plan for my future. My goal was to become a mental health nurse, so that I could help people. I knew from experience the stigma surrounding mental health and I wanted to be part of changing that.

At this point, I had found my what and the why to my what. So I studied Health and Social Care at college and left with the best grades I could have possibly wished for, gaining a place at university.

However, in the whirlwind of preparing to move away from home, leaving my job and uncertainty about finance, my own mental health deteriorated and I lost my vision in the process. 

The more I gave in to my eating disorder, the more of my why and what it stole. As I was rightly told by everyone around me, I couldn't help anyone if I couldn't help myself. My what had also changed from wanting to become a mental health nurse, to being totally focused on getting a qualification.  

Before the end of the year I had left university, seeking residential help for my mental health issues.

My what and why are whatever my passion is and whatever I'm gifted in.

During my recovery, I discovered that my what in life isn't a qualification and it isn't a career in nursing. My what and why are whatever my passion is and whatever I'm gifted in and what I'm passionate about is changing lives and I'm gifted in music.

As I began to accept myself as I am and learned to love who I am and the gifts I was given, I realised that it was actually my fear of not being good enough that had distorted my what. I believed that I needed a certificate to prove my worth, to say to the world "I am more than qualified to help others." But as I worked on my self-confidence and allowed God to move in my life, I learnt that I could help people without a certificate. I have life experience, I have a voice and I have a God given gift.

We all have a gift from God, whether it's singing, writing, counselling people, loving on the unlovable, we all have something and God never asks for a qualification.

We all have a gift from God and God never asks for a qualification.

When I was in the residential centre, wanting to give up and go back to my old ways, I focused on my passion; my new found what and why. I remembered that I needed to get better, so that I could help other people and touch lives.

So as you embark on your journey of change, I want you to know that a qualification on a piece of paper does not define you. I didn't receive my nursing qualification, but I gained a qualification in life experience! In recovery.

As long as you cling on to your personal why and what, you can be all that you want to be. Your dreams are at your fingertips and they can become your reality.

I am influencing lives and my voice is being heard and it's all because I discovered my true why and what.

My why has always been to help people and my what turned out to be music. Since discovering this, my dreams have started to come true. I released my second single, which reached number one in the iTunes Christian and Gospel charts. I have visited eating disorder units to share my testimony. I have received huge amounts of messages asking for my advice on recovery, telling me that I am an inspiration to them. I am influencing lives and my voice is being heard and it's all because I discovered my true why and what.

Places you can go to for help

If you are struggling with exam stress, or starting secondary school, then Childline and The School Run could help you.