Being a good friend
Joy Attmore,
6th Apr 2018
Tags:
Life
Blog
Friendship
Insecurity
Love
People's opinions
Rejection
Making friends has never been particularly hard for me, but that does not mean that friendships have always been easy.
I have been both the recipient and the deliverer of unkindness.
I’ve never experienced bullying, but I have been both the recipient and the deliverer of unkindness. My friends, or at times lack thereof, have taught me a lot about love.
"A lot about love will be taught to you by people who didn't love you. Welcome every lesson. Use it all for good." Mike and Jennifer Foster
This week I was reminded of a friendship moment that I am not at all proud of, and now can’t honestly believe that I actually did.
I was 10 years old and had just moved cities with my family into a new home, new routine, new neighbourhood, new school, and new friends. Prior to moving, we had made a few visits to our new church so we could begin to get to know a couple of people. It was a relief to me that, come the beginning of the school term, I would have a few familiar faces around me.
Day one in my new class and I quickly realised that one of the girls I had gotten to know over the summer was not in the ‘cool crowd’. In fact, she was someone that was seen as particularly ‘uncool’ to hang out with. This very quickly created a problem for me. I was the new kid on the block so therefore my social status was yet to be formed, and everything impacted the results.
I think it was my first day there that I was cornered at the end of class by the ‘it’ group and got asked if it was true that I was friends with this girl. I shook my head, “I don’t know her.”
In a flash I had become like Peter denying Jesus. I had gone from someone trustworthy and safe to know, to the worst friend and a terrible person.
Who denies their friendship with someone on the merit of ‘coolness’?
Who denies their friendship with someone on the merit of ‘coolness’? And why did I do that, what did I feel like I would gain?
It will be no surprise to anyone who has ever watched a teen drama unfold that nothing good did come out of that experience, except that it taught me a lot.
There is nothing wrong in wanting to fit in - to be liked, pursued, valued and esteemed, I mean, aren’t we all created and wired for love? But sometimes our drive for these things comes from an unhealthy place or at the expense of someone else’s heart.
In that moment, all those years ago, I placed my desire to be liked, to be seen as ‘cool’, as more important than valuing the heart and friendship of another girl. I let my fear and insecurity have a louder voice than that of love, which makes room for everyone.
No one is left out or excluded when you let love lead the decision-making.
No one is left out or excluded when you let love lead the decision-making. It allows you to see the truth and beauty in every person regardless of the clothes they wear, the subjects they study, the family they’re from, or the religion they follow.
I am still not a perfect friend now, but I have learnt much about the weight of my words and the importance of investing my time into building others up, including instead of excluding, and always making room for the one.
"Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy, for good friends are like the anointing oil that yields the fragrant incense of God's presence." Proverbs 27:9
We learn a lot from how well or poorly we are loved, but no matter what your experience may be like today, there is an opportunity to grow from it tomorrow. You are not your worst failure or biggest hurt and you are far greater than your largest victory.
May we be men and women who live out of our true identity and grow to become trustworthy and true friends to those around us, who love well and fight for friendship in both hard and flourishing seasons. May we cultivate sweet friendships and make it our mission to champion the hearts of those around us.
May we be one another’s best friend.
