Acting differently when others gossip

Tamar Willoughby, 10th Apr 2018
Tags: Life Blog Friendship Individuality People's opinions Rejection

I’m sure we’ve all been there. You’re chatting with a group of friends and someone starts talking about someone they know in a nasty way. They make fun of them, or laugh about something they’re doing, or how they look, or speak, or act. Whatever it is, we can probably all relate to being in a situation where you get dragged into a conversation full of gossip about someone who isn’t there. 

It can feel really difficult at the time to not join in; you don’t want them to do the same to you if they think you’re weird because you’re not going along with it, right?

Image Credit: Giphy

As girls, we’re all so competitive with each other.

This happens far too much. As girls, we’re all so competitive with each other. This is made so much worse by the pressure we feel to be attractive, funny, cool and unique, but also fit in. And it gets exhausting really quickly. 

It’s natural that from this competition and pressure, we would start wanting to put other people down, because that feels like the easiest way to make ourselves feel better, or to make other people see us as better than someone else. The sad thing is though, that this just reinforces the misguided message that in order to be worthy, successful, liked, and appreciated, we have to be better than everyone else. In reality, this is not at all true!

We spend so much time comparing ourselves to other people.

We spend so much time comparing ourselves to other people. We secretly put ourselves down, because we don’t feel good enough, and then when we’re with friends, we put other people down, trying to get our friends to think we’re amazing. It’s a vicious cycle! There’s no winning.

One person’s beauty is not the absence of your own.

The truth is this: one woman’s beauty doesn’t take away from my own. If I see a beautiful girl, that doesn’t make me any less beautiful. She can be beautiful, and I can be beautiful, and you can be beautiful. One person’s beauty is not the absence of your own. 

Once we realise this, there’s no longer any need to compete with each other, and instead we can see each other as the brilliant individuals that we all are. We can begin to understand that one person’s success, cleverness, or coolness, in no way detracts from our own.

Imagine if you saw someone stepping out of the box, trying something new, and instead of laughing at them for it, you encouraged them.

Imagine if you saw someone stepping out of the box, trying something new, and instead of laughing at them for it, you encouraged them, praised them, and told everyone how brave you think they are, and how brilliant their ideas are. How would that make you feel? How would it make them feel? And how would it make others see you? 

All of these things would be good and positive. You’d feel good because positive words breed a positive mind-set. They’d feel encouraged by your positivity and enthusiasm, and relieved that people aren’t putting them down. 

When others saw what you were doing, they’d see you as a good friend; as an encourager, and they’d want to emulate that in their own words and actions. It would bring about such a brilliant knock on effect of positivity. 

When we start making a conscious effort to build each other up, and refuse to let ourselves join in with anyone dragging another person down, we are able to influence an entire culture for the better. We start a revolution of support, encouragement and love. 

This won’t only benefit those around you, but you’ll feel so much more comfortable trying new things yourself, expressing yourself in new ways. 

Being authentically you, will come so much easier when you’re supporting and encouraging others who do the same.

Being authentically you, will come so much easier when you’re supporting and encouraging others who do the same.